This summer I realized that love is not what it seems. Love is not what I thought I wanted and it is definitely the cause to the ache that replaces all loneliness, and then some.
I have never really been in love, I didn't even start dating until I was 18 and in college. I was the girl in high school who had to hold out for the "mature" men in college. When I got to college... all of the sudden the "mature" pool of males were just older version of the same boys that I went to high school with. Nonetheless, I gave in and gave it a try.
So I started to go on group dates, pretty much maturing relationship wise at the level of a giddy fifteen-year-old girl. So everything was a HUGE deal to me. I mean holding hands for the first time ever with a guy at the age of a legal, was all I could think about for weeks. Of course, my closest friends around me were and have always been in long term relationships, so news like this was pretty lame. But that's what I loved about it and how much I would treasure the small things.
I went on to date a handful of bad guys, this is not me being a man-hater, literally, I knew that they were not good guys, but I wanted to see the good in them, because I believe that I can see the good in everyone. I learned quick.
When it came to the heart, I should have been careful and more picky about who I let in. Because one's first encounters with surrendering the heart to another's hands, shapes that person and molds that person's expectations of what a relationship is. Looking back about 2 years later, I wish that I would have been more picky. I could never see past looks, until this summer.
This summer I realized that I really didn't need a man to fulfill my heart. I didn't need his acceptance, I was fed up of always trying to look my best, wear my best, walk my best wherever I went. Just trying to keep up with the Orange County lifestyle that I have grown up around. This town will rock you if you even think about wearing a pair of Crocks if you are not a nurse!
But I mellowed out a lot, my sister got married, and I have never been so happy for my family. My parents are happy and I realized that instead of concentrating on getting that guy, that this is what life is all about. Taking in the life moments like I did this summer.
